pepopowitz’s avatarpepopowitz’s Twitter Archive—№ 2,000

  1. I've struggled with the ability to actively listen to others for basically my whole life. I constantly jump to suggesting solutions, which drives my wife especially crazy. Something my therapist told me recently has actually helped me with this.
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    1. …in reply to @pepopowitz
      The act of rumination, of going over and over in your head with thoughts about what you *should* have said in a situation that frustrated you...might be an effect of not pursuing emotions to a place of resolution.
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      1. …in reply to @pepopowitz
        This makes sense to me - many of the things I hang on to seem like they wouldn't be nearly as big a deal if I got to a point of identifying my emotions, accepting them, forgiving myself, and moving on. But if I never work to resolve them, I never get over them.
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        1. …in reply to @pepopowitz
          And it's made me want to listen more, to my kids and wife especially, when it's clear they're not able to resolve something. Like not just bite my tongue and not talk, but actually listen and try to let them resolve their feelings. I'm starting to recognize when this happens.
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          1. …in reply to @pepopowitz
            In the past I'd just be like "OMG YOU JUST NEED TO DO THIS ONE THING AND THAT WILL FIX EVERYTHING" but now I am feeling more like the best thing I can do is just shut up and let them feel what they're feeling, and come to terms with it at their pace, not mine.
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            1. …in reply to @pepopowitz
              Anyway, there's a subtweet in here, which is just basically to say that none of us have any right to decide what others should or shouldn't feel angry about, and we definitely don't have the right to convince anyone that they should feel something different than what they feel.
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              1. …in reply to @pepopowitz
                And that emotions *always* come from a place. If you can't relate to them, it is likely more about your inability to think creatively about what could drive a person to feel that way, than about them being "wrong" and needing to be corrected.
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